Latter-day Saints are having a lot of fun over at the Mormon Matters blog. On Tuesday (4 March 2008) blogger John Nilsson posted My Top Ten Cultural Sins, or Why I Don’t Mark My Scriptures and freely confessed his shortcomings as a Latter-day Saint. Others have followed suit and what has resulted is a pretty funny read. I’ve provided a few LDS cultural confessions from the blog below, but if you have the time and would like to read some light-hearted Mormon banter, visit Mormon Matters.
- “I eat meat in the summer and in times of plenty.”
- “I am not a republican and do not consider Ronald Reagan an honorary member of the Godhead.”
- “I regularly fantasize about my wife wearing an outfit without garments.”
- “The Book of Mormon is not my favorite book, in fact it doesn’t make the top 100 list.”
- “Whenever anyone quotes 1 Ne 3:7 I open up to D&C 124:49.”
- “I use alcohol-based mouth wash.”
- “I plan to vote for a descendant of Cain in November.”
- “I put LDS book dust covers on murder mysteries to read during dull talks & testimonies.”
- “I enter into spastic, dry-heave-like convulsions at the mere mention of the word pageant.”
- “Sometimes when I’m at the grocery store I intentionally walk down the coffee aisle just because I love the smell.”
- “I often purposefully take the sacrament and sustain people with my left hand.”
All I can say is you have to be Mormon to “get” this stuff. I found myself asking, “What?” (see accompanied crinkled up face) as I read most of them. I don’t mean to spoil the fun because I love this kind of humor (if I was in on it) but I kept wondering “What does this tell me about the culture of Mormonism?” I’m a child of the 60s. We are always looking for deeper meaning or the back story. It is a gift to be able to laugh at oneself and poke the eye of the way to serious. I hope the thought police don’t get these people!
not being a mormon in any way, shape, or fashion I still got most of the list. The coffee aisle killed me.
Cute. Read the whole list. (Interesting site, there, too Mormon Matters.) Somethings were perhaps telling, like the boredom with ritual and jokes about the undergarments among others…
And like Falcon, I was wondering, what does this tell me about Mormons?
Having been LDS, I laughed out loud at just about everything on this list, especially the political ones.
I think what we can get out of this is that the LDS have a culture that is very embedded in them yet very alien to outsiders. I think so many attempts at dialogue between Mormons and traditional Christians fail because of a lack of understand about this culture.
My wife would walk the coffee isle just to smell the smells. I would “fantasize about my wife wearing an outfit without garments.”
This would be funnier if it wasn’t actually true.
Anubis
I’m not a mormon, but I know enough to find it funny and understand it all. Plus I also tells Mormons 1 Nephi 3:7 is my favorite Mormon verse as I use it on them when I witness to them, so I was rather surprised yet found it funny that, that one was posted. Rick b
The coffee aisle comment was funny. I remember when we were mormons and shopping in a Krogers, my oldest daughter (maybe 5-6 at the time) started yelling at some high school kid filling the coffee bean dispensers: “Don’t you know our heavenly father doesn’t want us drinking coffee?!” The stock kid was mortified that he was being chastised. It was in Ohio, so he also had no idea why someone wouldn’t drink coffee.
Can someone help me understand what the heck 1 Nephi 3:7 is trying to say? I read it twice, and I humbly consider myself fairly intelligent… but it seemed incoherent to me. Is that the joke here, that the verse blatantly contradicts itself?
Fletcher keep in mind that Joseph Smith was fairly uneducated so a lot of what he wrote is grammatically a bit off. I think what it is saying is that God will give us no commandments without also giving is the ability to keep that commandment.
I still find myself laughing over the one RickB told us some one mentioned to him –
Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the head of the church, and Mormons don’t recognize each other at the liquor store.
Ralph, the Guy that told me that is a Mormon. Since one guy here was so upset by it, I said he could talk with the Mormon himself. He goes by Home star Runner, or, HSR For short. He is at the R.O.T Board. http://www.reachouttrust.org
Fletcher, 1ST nephi 3:7 says,
I use that with mormons I witness to on the street, I tell them it is my favorite verse in the Book of Mormon, I also tell them my favorite bible verse is Romans 2:11.
I point out in the Nephi verse that is God commands them to do certain things, and they openly admit they fall short, then either God lied because of that verse or they simple are far worse off than they thought.
I also find it funny that I am not the only one to use that since the Mormon mentioned seems to counter it with, D and C 124:49
But in that case I would point out it is showing God contrdicts himself and cannot remember what He said, and that He is so weak that mere mortal men can frustrate His plans. Then add to that if a Mormon fails it is not always because of other men but their own flesh being so weak that they cannot live up to all the laws and rules they are told God supposdly commands they do, but then God does not live up to His part by falling Short from what He said in First Nephi. Hope that helps you fletcher. Rick b
I keep thinkiing about the role of “the law” versus the role of “grace” given by God. There are many Christian sects that are quite legalistic. I think this leads to either a sense of self-righteousness or to a an attitude of total defeat. A correct understanding of grace leads to a relationship with God based on a changed heart. It comes from the inside by the work of the Holy Spirit, rather than the outside by the imposition of rules. I’ve heard it said that within the context of Christianity, if the external rules of the group are removed, you really see (by behavior) who’s saved. I really enjoy living by God’s grace after my early years in the Catholic faith of living under the tyranny of the law. My dear 91 year old devout Catholic mother, who lives a couple hours from me, couldn’t get her car started (yes she drives) a couple of weeks ago. So she walks to church, close to a mile, on icy sidewalks. She slips of course but fell towards the snow to cushon herself. Gets up and keeps going. She remarked to a friend who reported it to me, “I guess it wouldn’t have been a sin if I’d stayed home.” I keep telling her when she does stuff like this to cut it out, God’s OK with her. She did get a ride home.
I got a killer joke that goes through LDS circles as well.
The Religious leaders around the world decided to have a big conference to discuse the main concerns of mankind.
After the chrisian leaders finished one day three of them decided to go out for some fishing at the local lake. In this group is the pope, a televangelist, and the LDS prophet.
While they are sitting at the boat, the pope realized that he ran out of bait. He gets up walks across the water grabs some more bait and returns. The LDS prophet then realizes he needed some more bait too, so he gets up, walks across the water and comes back with some more bait.
Now the televangelist is seeing this and starts thinking if these guys can do this, he can too. So, he gets up, steps out of the boat and falls in.
The pope goes, “You think we should have told him about the rocks?”
The prophet goes, “What rocks?”
OK I have a killer Ex-Mormon joke.
One day a little kid is walking by the local ward building, with a cart load of new born puppies. The Mormon Bishop is standing outside and asks, “Hey little boy what Kind of puppies are those?”
The little boy responds with, “Mormon Puppies!” The bishop has a little chuckle but doesn’t think to much of it.
About four weeks later the boy is again walking pass the same ward building pulling the same puppies. The bishop is outside but this time with his counselors. He tells the guys that they will get a kick out of this little boys puppies and he yells out, “Hey Boy are those the Mormon puppies?”
The boy responses, “No sir these are ex-Mormon puppies now.” The bishop a bit taken back asks “Why?”. The little boy responds, “Their eyes have opened!”
Anubis
Oo, Oo, I hav another one.
The LDS prophet is visiting the Vatican and is talking to the pope. After the end of their conversation the prophet asks, “I need to communicate to the Lord, do you have any way for me to communicate?”
The pope says, “Sure, there is a pay phone just outside my office to the left.”
Later that year, the pope is visiting Salt Lake City.
The pope also enquires to a way to communicate to the Lord as well.
The prophet says, “Here, use my phone, I have a direct line.”