It was an April Fool’s joke, folks!
Multiple sources from within the COB have confirmed that Robert L. Millet has been chosen by President Monson to fill the recent vacancy in the Quorum of the Twelve. At one level, this move comes as a surprise since those with previous experience as a General Authority are usually chosen.
Along with the apostolic appointment comes the news that the Miracle of Forgiveness will be removed from the Church’s downtown museum display on Spencer W. Kimball, and that all traditional interpretations of 2 Nephi 25:23 will be removed from prior Conference Reports. Sources say that Packer, Nelson, and Oaks, have issued an official apology for not publicly conceding to the doctrinal wisdom of Millet sooner. The apology recognizes that Millet’s already-possessed implicit apostolic authority at BYU has more bearing than decades of explicit apostolic teachings from the pulpit of General Conference, and that Millet was right in this case to reject the consistent counsel of inspired leaders.
Robert D. Hales will be giving a Conference talk formally reversing his recent teaching that we are all sent here to “merit eternal life”, deferring to Millet on the issue, who will give a subsequent talk promoting Stephen Robinson’s book, Believing Christ, which will replace the Miracle of Forgiveness at Church distribution centers. Monson is reportedly excited to have someone on the Quorum who actually thinks at length about doctrine.
Also from these same sources is the word that the First Presidency will be forming a new committee in charge of reconstructing Mormon doctrine all over again. Spearheading the effort will be Blake Ostler, whose correction of Neal Maxwell over the issue of whether God is outside of time earned him respect with the entire Quorum of the Twelve, all of whom admitted to being too busy tending to matters of administration to deal with matters of specific doctrine, relying on more intelligent and inspired lawyers and professors like Ostler and Millet.
Stay tuned for more details. The Salt Lake Tribune momentarily had an article about the news here, but abruptly took it down.